My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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