That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
