Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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