it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
