I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
