Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
