So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can text with my tongue
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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