you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
