What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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