gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
