so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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