we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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