also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
