I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
