I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
