We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
