I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
