Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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