I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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