and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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