i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
