You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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