Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
