i jhust puked up my retainher.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
