I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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