Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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