I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
