i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
