Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
