yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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