Plan B is the new Plan A
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize