what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
