If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
