Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
