is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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