used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
