Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
