When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
