This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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