Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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