Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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