I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
