ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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