omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
