If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
do nipples grow back?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
