super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize