My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My penis needs a shock collar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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