He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
