True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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