I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
