I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
