its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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