Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
