I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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