Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
