My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize