We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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