where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
