I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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