so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
