The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and she was petting her beer can
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
