shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
