I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
