Kiss
Puke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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