Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
