Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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