got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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