Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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