I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
