In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
