i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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