Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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