It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
