Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
