The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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