The maid of honor just puked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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