he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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